Visibility
by VillainousVexation
Summary: Movie!verse. Humor. Apron!love.


Rating: G

Summary: The apron.

Disclaimer: Do not sue me for playing with toys that do not belong to me.

'You were not in control. You had no visibility: maybe there was a car in front of you, maybe not.'

- Alain Prost

'Do you always wear that when you cook?'

'What is that, my dear?'

'That apron.'

'Yes, I do.'

'Interesting choice.'

'I happen to like my apron.'

'Yes, I can see that. But it doesn't exactly go with the rest of your look.'

'Black aprons evoke a more funereal attitude towards breakfast.'

'Death and eggs don't mix?'

'I've never attempted to combine the two.'

'Do they even make black aprons?'

'I am certain I could procure one, if you'd like.'

'You'd wear a black apron?'

'I assumed you wanted one for yourself. Perhaps exploring your culinary talents?'

'I don't think you'd like my cooking. I have trouble with frozen foods.'

'Please do not mention those gustatory abortions in my kitchen.'

'Sorry. I didn't mean to offend your delicate sensibilities.'

'It has nothing to do with delicacy, simply good taste.'

'Fair enough. I'm just saying, why that apron? Did you find it somewhere?'

'Everything is found somewhere, Evey. We simply supply different names for the acts of purchasing, stealing, or locating items.'

'You like riddles.'

'Yes. Yes I do.'

'It's a woman's apron. Did you know the person it belonged to?'

'No, I did not make that particular acquaintance.'

'So, no sentimental value?'

'None that I can recall. It did not belong to an individual, as far as I can tell.'

'Then where did you get it?'

'At a shop.'

'I'm being serious, V!'

'As am I.'

'So you just strolled into a shop one day and bought it?'

'While there are many things of a questionable nature that I engage in, I most certainly do not stroll.'

'True. You don't strike me as a stroller. A little too mellow for you.'

'I can say with complete certainty that I have never strolled. Nor did I purchase the item in question.'

'You stole an apron? You STOLE an APRON?'

'I did not steal. Liberated.'

'Liberated?'

'Yes, that is what I would call it.'

'You liberated an apron?'

'In a sense.'

What, was the apron oppressed?'

'Somewhat.'

'How can an apron be oppressed?'

'Do not treat oppression so lightly, my dear. We are surrounded on all fronts by that very menace.'

'V. We're talking about an apron. That you cook in.'

'I think it's lovely.'

'You liberated it because it's pretty?'

'I didn't say that. I was simply commenting on the aesthetic elements of the article.'

'You never give a straight answer. Even when we're talking about a bloody apron!'

'Very well. In order to ease your mind, I will bore you with the details of my venture. One evening, many years ago, I saw this very apron in a shop window. It... struck my fancy, so to speak, so I collected it at a later time and brought it home.'

'Very interesting. That doesn't tell me why.'

'Why does my choice of cooking wardrobe perturb you so?'

I wouldn't say I'm perturbed; it just seems out of place.'

'With the rest of the ensemble?'

'With the rest of YOU! You fight the government! You kill party leaders! You blow up buildings!'

'Not while wearing this.'

'That's not the point! How would you feel if Creedy owned that exact apron?'

'Alarmed at the similarities in our taste, while simultaneously impressed with his choice in attire.'

'You're laughing at me!'

'A bit, yes.'

'Well, stop!'

'Evey, my dear, out of all the things in the Shadow Gallery to reflect upon, I must admit that your choice has completely puzzled me. And I rarely concede to such bafflement.'

'I don't stay up nights wondering about your apron, if that's what you're saying.'

'I would never dare to suppose.'

'Well... Yeah. Good.'

'However, your deductive efforts are being wasted.'

'I'm not wasting any energy!'

'I must note that you are getting a bit flushed.'

'It's warm in here!'

'Is it? I must adjust the temperature accordingly.'

'Forget the apron. Wear what you like.'

There was a possibility I would no longer choose my own apparel?'

'I could throw it out.'

'Would you really? I must admit, I would be deeply upset by such a malicious act.'

'Hypothetically.'

'Ah. Hypothetically, then, my cooking would suffer without this particular garment.'

'The apron helps you cook?'

'Not at all. It simply focuses my mind on the task at hand. The apron itself contributes in no physical way. Of course, I suppose that's merely a matter of perspective.'

'Why didn't you just say that?'

'Frankly, this was far more entertaining.'

'Ha-ha. You're still the one in the silly apron.'

'An apt statement. Here are your eggs, Evey.'

'Oh, thank you.'

'You are quite welcome.'

'I didn't mean to rubbish your apron.'

'I take no offense whatsoever. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to liberate some jam.'


End file.
